OVERVIEW
Couples & relationship concerns
There are fights you can predict almost word for word. There's distance that arrived gradually and now feels like the default. There's the version of yourself that shows up in close relationships and the version you'd prefer, and a gap between them you're not sure how to close.
We offer two ways to work on it: couples therapy, where both partners come in together, and individual therapy for relationship concerns, where one person does the work on their own. Both are effective. Which one fits depends on where you are.
Research by Dr. John Gottman found that the average couple waits six years after relationship problems begin before seeking therapy. By then, negative patterns are usually deeply entrenched. Earlier is almost always better — for couples coming in together and for individuals working on their side of the dynamic.
What couples therapy looks like
Couples therapy brings both partners into the room. The therapist works with the relationship itself: the communication patterns, the recurring conflicts, and the dynamics that have taken root over months or years. Sessions tend to involve slowing down the cycles that cause damage, understanding what each person is actually trying to communicate and what they need, and building the capacity to stay connected when things get hard.
This is not refereed arguing. A couples therapist doesn't take sides or deliver verdicts on who was right. The work is about understanding the system the two of you have created: what drives the patterns, what each person brings to them, and what it would take to change them.
Couples therapy works well when both partners are willing to come, when communication has broken down to the point where hard conversations aren't possible without a third person in the room, or when a specific transition i.e. a new child, a career change, a loss, and/or a move, has shifted the dynamic in ways that haven't been named yet. It's also for relationships that are essentially solid but have developed friction both people want to address before it compounds.
What individual therapy for relationship concerns
looks like
Some of the most effective relationship work happens with one person in the room. Individual therapy for relationship concerns lets you look honestly at your own patterns without managing your partner's reactions in real time. You can be direct about what's happening, how long it's been happening, and what you think your part in it is, in a way that's often harder to access when the other person is sitting across from you.
Sessions focus on what you bring to the dynamic: how your history shapes what you expect from closeness, what you do when you feel unheard or threatened, what you actually need versus what you've learned to ask for. The attachment patterns that show up in this relationship usually have roots that predate it, and individual therapy is where those roots tend to get examined most clearly.
This format works for people whose partner isn't ready or willing to come to therapy. It also works alongside couples therapy, or as a starting point before couples work begins. And it works for people who recognize that a significant part of what's happening in their relationship is theirs to look at; not because they're the problem, but because their side is the only side they can actually change.
IN SESSION
Not sure which fits?
Couples therapy tends to be the right starting point when both partners are ready and the conflict is primarily happening between you. Individual therapy tends to make more sense when one partner isn't ready, when you want to understand your own contribution to a dynamic before working on it jointly, or when what's showing up in the relationship feels like it has a longer personal history.
When in doubt, reach out. We can talk through what you're dealing with and help figure out which format — or which combination — makes the most sense.
COMMON QUESTIONS
What people ask about
couples and relationship therapy
What's the difference between couples therapy and individual therapy for relationship issues?
Couples therapy involves both partners. The therapist works with the dynamic between you: the communication patterns, the recurring conflicts, and what each person brings and needs. Individual therapy for relationship concerns involves one person working with a therapist on their own patterns, history, and contribution to the dynamic. Both are effective, often for different reasons. Some people do both at the same time, with different therapists handling each.
We're not in crisis. Things are just... off. Is that enough to come to therapy?
That low-grade disconnection where things are technically fine but something isn't is worth paying attention to precisely because it's quiet. It tends to be easier to address before it becomes acute. You don't need to be in crisis to deserve support, and the earlier in a pattern you look at it, the more room there is to actually change it.
My partner is reluctant to come to therapy. What are our options?
Individual therapy is a genuinely useful option here, not just a holding pattern. Working on your own side of a dynamic: understanding what you bring to conflict, what you need, and how your patterns contribute to what's happening, produces real changes that affect the relationship even without your partner in the room. If their reluctance shifts over time, couples therapy can be added. Your own work doesn't have to wait for them.
We tried couples therapy before and it didn't help. Why might this be different?
Couples therapy outcomes vary significantly based on approach, therapist training, and timing. Some formats focus heavily on communication exercises without addressing the underlying patterns driving the conflict. Others move too slowly for the level of distress already in the relationship. We'd want to know what you tried, what was useful, and what wasn't. That context shapes how we approach it. A first conversation is the right place to have that.